Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
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