so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
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