If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
