the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
Randomize
