One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Randomize
