We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
actually, I'm a sock model
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
