i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
Randomize
