Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Randomize
