I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
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