people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
