Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Randomize
