brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
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