its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
