I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
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