Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Randomize
