god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
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