I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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