she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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