i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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