Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
