Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
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