the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
Randomize
