Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
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