I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize
