Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
You made out with two different species that night
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
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