in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
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