I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Randomize
