I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Randomize
