so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
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