Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
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