hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
