even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
Randomize
