I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
Randomize
