My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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