i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
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