In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
And my parents said I crawled through the house
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Randomize
