I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
whose parrot is this?
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
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