I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
You need Xanax blowdarts
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Randomize
