in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Randomize
