I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
