So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Randomize
