Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
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