To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
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