im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
Randomize
