I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
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