Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
