And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Randomize
