talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
