U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
