Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
Randomize
